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  • Justin Dosch


Resource: Lead Pastor Justin Dosch

Topic: Women, sex, and their great design

So, let's do a little word association, when I say these words, what immediately comes to mind? Man, woman, gender, marriage, sexuality. There are certain things we think about when we hear those words and in the year 2023 I don't think those words have ever been more divisive in our culture. There really is a war going on if you will, about what those words actually mean. And the question today is this; who gets to decide what the standard is on those things? Who decides, because what's happening in our culture right now is governments are trying to tell us and decide for us, and we have social movements that are telling us what those things mean. But at the end of the day there is only ONE who gets to decide what those things mean, it is the one who created those things, the God of the universe.

Sadly many are compromising on who God says we are supposed to be and the design that he has put in place for us. And it is so unbelievably important for followers of Jesus Christ to know the truth, and be ready to stand firm on the truth, and to be able to defend the truth in a very hostile world.

If you read Genesis 1:26-32 you know that man and woman have been created. God puts Adam in the garden to tend it. Everything is perfect, it's this beautiful amazing place. And in Genesis 2 God gives more detail on the creation of Adam and Eve. Beginning in Genesis 2:18 it says; 18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” 19 Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib[h] he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” 24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. 25 Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

There are some powerful truths we can learn from these 8 verses;

First, one of God’s greatest gifts to us is the gift of human relationships.

In verse 18 the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone.” It was NOT GOOD for man to be alone. It’s significant that for the first time God said something WASN’T good. What wasn’t good? For human beings to be without other human beings. Loneliness is now considered a major public health crisis that rivals smoking. Why? Because the world we live in is disconnecting us from each other. Cell phones, pandemics, social media and the like have isolated people from each other and the stats on the number of people who are depressed, anxious and lonely are through the roof. The bottom line, God designed us for community. People in community experience far greater levels of happiness and productivity than those who are not.

Second, God made “woman” to be the perfect compliment to man.

Verse 18 continues with God saying, I will make a helper suitable for him.” God brought all the animals for Adam to name but none were his equal. Does this mean Eve was an afterthought? Absolutely not! God just didn’t want Adam to have to deal with Eve correcting him after he named each animal. Kidding! Eve is just as special and important as Adam. There was nothing about her that was an afterthought. It was God’s plan from the beginning. Genesis 1:27 says, “so God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” BOTH male and female are created in His image.

Eve’s separate creation from Adam just shows how uniquely special she is. God needed Adam to see how much he needed help in “ruling over” the earth and boy did God deliver! Genesis 2:22 says, “then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” Fun fact, Adam called her woman because the first time he saw her he was like WOAH MAN! That’s in the original language. Again, kidding! In all seriousness, this was what was missing in Adam’s life. This was the helper he longed for; someone EQUAL, and she was stunning.

It is essential to understand this; Eve is both his helper AND his equal. The Hebrew phrase for “helper” is ezer k’negdo; it means “complementary to.” Helper does not imply inferior, but that her strengths perfectly compliment Adams. Helper doesn’t mean domestic, rather she compliments spiritually, intellectually, and physically in a way no other animal can. God made Eve to help Adam; by both SUPPORTING and CHALLENGING him. Ask anyone who is married if their spouse has helped make them a better person, especially the husbands, and they will undoubtedly say YES!

This is what makes for truly healthy marriages; this relationship of helping one another. Paul gives us the quintessential instruction on how this relationship is supposed to work. Ephesians 5:21-27 says, 21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

First off, it starts with this basic premise; husbands and wives are to mutually submit to one another. Wives submit out of reverence for Christ and respect for their husband as the leader of the home. Husbands LAY DOWN THEIR LIVES for their wife in the same way Christ does for His church. The husband is the head of the relationship, not the Lord. He is first among equals. And what do leaders do? They listen, learn and love. They are humble and teachable. They are strong servants who protect their people.

Third, God’s design for marriage; an unbreakable bond.

Genesis 2:24-25 says, “that is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. 25 Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. We cannot miss the significance of the statement TWO BECOME ONE. The bond between husband and wife is designed to be unbreakable. If you rip a part of your body off, at the least it’s very painful, and at the worst you bleed out. This is why God detests divorce so much. You are ripping two souls who have become one apart from each other. It’s not popular in our culture, but this is the only definition of marriage. ONE man and ONE woman for LIFE.

Fourth, God’s design for sexuality is clear.

Genesis and the whole of scripture leaves no wiggle room on this issue. God’s design for sex is clearly laid out in these verses. Sadly the world and even many Christians are making their own rules. But here’s an important truth. We don’t get to make the rules. Here’s an illustration; in the NFL the commissioner sets the standards. It doesn’t matter if the referees or players like the standards or not, they are for the good of the players and their safety. And they must be followed.

So, what are God’s standards for sex?

1) God created sex for procreation and enjoyment. He says, “be fruitful and multiply.” In other words, enjoy it and grow the kingdom!

2) God’s designated place for sex is within marriage; any sex outside of that is outside of God’s design. This cannot be more clear. Again, Genesis 1:24 says, “that is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Sex is DESIGNED for one man and one woman in the confines of marriage. Any sex outside of this is against God’s design and is sin. Sleeping around, looking at pornography, homosexuality, and yes, even just sleeping with your boyfriend or girlfriend. All of those things constitute a departure from God’s design.

While all sexual sin is wrong to God, there is one that seems to rule our day and is being pushed by the world for acceptance, homosexuality. Scripture is clear on this, and yet sadly, many Christians are caving to the cultural pressures of our day. There are three main arguments Christians make;

1) “Jesus never talked about it.” That is patently false. He absolutely did;

In Matthew 19:4-6 it says, 3 Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” 4 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” What does Jesus do when he’s confronted with a question about marriage and sexuality? He references Genesis! Jesus believed what was said in Genesis was STILL true. One man, one woman, for life. Furthermore; the old and new testaments address it numerous times. You can find references in Leviticus 18, 1 Corinthians 6, 1 Timothy 1 and a host of other places. And, according to 2 Timothy 3:6; ALL scripture is God breathed. And what is scripture? It is the WORD of God. And WHO is the Word of God? Jesus. Every word in scripture constitutes the words of Jesus, both the OT and NT talk about this issue. You can find references in Leviticus 18, 1 Corinthians 6, 1 Timothy 1 and a multitude of other places. From start to finish God’s standard never changes.

2) If two people are in a monogamous relationship, how is it hurting anyone?

The Bible has the truth on this statement as well. 1 Corinthians 6:18 says, “flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Sexual sin hurts the individual simply because it is against the design of God. Just because it doesn’t hurt someone else doesn’t mean it’s not hurting the person who is doing it.

3) What about people who it seems are born that way?

First off, there is absolutely no way to prove if someone is born homosexual. But we absolutely know that every human being is born with a sin nature. Each of us is born with certain predispositions to sin. Some struggle with greed more than others. Others struggle with pride or gluttony or lying. Sexual sin, including homosexuality, is no different than someone who struggles with any other sin. We are all born with predispositions to be tempted by certain things. The thing is, we don’t have to ACT on it. Just because something “feels” right, doesn’t make it right.

The bottom line is that scripture makes the standard abundantly clear, and yet, sexual sin is rampant. The question is, why? The answer; Satan is filling our culture with lies and in our sinful natures we’re buying them hook line and sinker;

Lie number one; sex is just physical. According to evolutionists you’re just an animal after all. But deep down we know this is false. Anyone who has ever had sex knows it creates a spiritual bond with that person. No matter how hard a person tries to deny it, you are bonded to that person in a way, forever. It is such an intensely intimate moment.

Lie number two; sexual pleasure is the key to your happiness. Culture has led us to believe that the highest form of pleasure is to live out your sexual desires. If you just do what feels good you can't go wrong. It has made our feelings the highest priority when it comes to sex. But once again, here’s the problem with that; just because we feel like doing it, doesn’t make it right. In the movie “The Guardians of the Galaxy there is a scene at the end of the movie where the character, “Rocket,” is being warned not to do anything illegal after having his record expunged. His response, “what if I see somebody that has something I want and I take it from him?” The police officers reply; “that’s illegal and you’ll be arrested.” To which Rocket responds, “but you don’t understand, what if I want it more?” To which the police officer replies, STILL WRONG. Whether we FEEL something is right doesn’t matter. It only matters what is actually right. We must learn to exercise self control on the impulses we feel. I love how Paul puts this in 1 Thessalonians 4:3-4. 3 It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable. Lack of self control is never an excuse to do what we want. If that’s true than if I feel like murdering someone that should be OK, and yet we all know this isn’t true. This is the core of sin; doing what we want because we want to.

So, what are we to do with all of this?

We must remember that like everything else God created in the beginning, he created man and woman, marriage and sex to be GOOD. And that when it comes to sexuality His way is BETTER.

Why? Because His design is for our GOOD. Satan wants us to believe it’s not. But just look at the devastation sex outside of God’s design causes; disease, unwanted pregnancy, broken relationships and homes, sexual addictions, exploitation of others and the list could go on. We must recognize this is one of Satan’s biggest agendas; to destroy relationships and tempt us into sexual impurity. If Satan can disrupt God’s design for marriage and sexuality he can do immeasurable damage and we must be on our guard. As Christians we must stand firm on the truth. Too many are silent and are giving in to the culture.

BUT, we must also remember this; in everything we must respond like our savior responded; in LOVE with grace and truth. We must treat all people with the dignity and the respect they deserve as human beings created in the image of God. Regardless of whether or not they are behaving righteously according to God’s standards. We are ALL sinners and we all fall short of the glory of God. (Romans 3:23)

And most of all, we must remember there is redemption in Jesus Christ for all of our failures. Whether we have failed as husbands and wives or sexually, there is redemption in the cross of Jesus! Whatever our past, whatever our struggles, if we will repent and turn from our sin, Jesus died to redeem us from them!


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